The Great Cookie Weekend

Last year Mel and I began a new tradition. Cookie weekend.  The kids are with ex and I am in DC.

We each choose 3 types of cookies and this year we are making fudge! We actually have 5 batches done!

 What goes great with baking cookies?  Hint, hint – you can see one on in the background.

That’s right.  Chic flics.  So far we have watched The Wedding Date and Prime.  Up next Wimbledon and 27 Dresses.  Oh and flavored alcoholic beverages.

Baking.  Chic flics.  Chic beer.  What more could a girl ask for?

 

Trying something new

In the past week I have made five home cooked meals.   I had gotten out of control with frozen chicken strips and french fries, frozen pizza and drive thru.  So this week I committed myself to homemade meals.  The kids loved it.  It is way healthier.  And way cheaper.

And you know what?  It didn’t take nearly as much time as I remembered.  Because for a single mom, that’s what it’s really all about.  There just aren’t enough hours in my day.  I would like to say I’m getting better at the time management thing, I’m not. 

So I decided I needed to quit trying to make plans and just dive in.  So week one of making homemade meals is behind me.  Week two is keeping up with the laundry.  I’ll let you know how it goes.

 

Speedo Steve

Over the holiday weekend I headed for the lake.  I flew into Burlington, took a taxi to the ferry, took the ferry across the lake.  And my cousin Speedo Steve and his wife met me at the ferry dock.

Steve is actually my father’s cousin.  He is three years older than my dad.  He and his wife have been married for 28 years and never had children.  They were teachers for years and he coached football until they retired several years ago.  They spend their summer on our families summer property and Steve is the caretaker of the North Shore.

Most days during the summer you can find him in his boat out on the lake fishing.  Or sitting on the rocks.  My children have given him the nickname Speedo Steve for the bathing suit he is so partial to.  He is 6′4″ (at least) and a definate football guy and this guy in a speedo is funny.

But this last weekend when I was up without the kids I really got to spend some time with him.   I spent hours sitting at his table, eating, drinking, talking with him, his wife, his father and his sister.  It was so much fun.  His father told stories of years gone by at the lake.  He told me stories about his parents and my grandfather.  But mainly I loved hearing the stories from his childhood.  I learned so much this weekend about the family I never got the chance to meet. 

My family used to be wealthy.  They had homes on Beacon Hill in Boston, they summered on the lake.  They had cooks in the kitchen and nannies for the children.  They sent their children to boarding school and traveled in all the best circles.  A century later the money is gone.  All that we have left is the summer property.  But given the choice of money or the property, I would take the lake every time.  Because this place, it gives me the opportunity to spend time with my family.

Without the North Shore I wouldn’t know Speedo Steve or his wife or many of my cousins.  And knowing them makes me rich. 

Steve and his wife, they are my cousins, they are my family and I love them.

 

Lazy Friday night

On my way home from work today I began mentaling running throught tonight’s schedule in my mind.  This is my typical routine on my drive home, I go over all the things we will need to get done, homework, chores, any thing that is going to take us out of the house, what I’m going to make for dinner, etc.  And tonight I began running down my schedule and realised there was nothing there.  I pulled out my phone, looked at my calendar and it was blank.

A free night.  Nothing planned.  Just the kids and I. 

Now soon after I got home Grace got a phone call asking if she could go spend the night at a friends house.  So off she went. 

But the other kids and I headed for the local mexican restaurant.  Where the food is fast, cheap and really good.  I even splurged on fried ice cream.  Then we rented a movie.  Speed Racer – it was awful but the kids loved it.

Mexican food $17

Movie Rental $2.50

Time with the kids priceless

I enjoy the Friday nights I get to go out with friends and dance into the wee hours of the morning.  But these Friday nights, sitting on the couch with Chandler and Lee snuggled beside me, they bring me real joy.

 

Room mom

On back to school night, there I was sitting in Lee’s classroom with the other parents.  When inevitably the teacher asks, “Is someone willing to be room mother?”  My friend E raises her hand and looks at me, “we can do it together.”  And all of the sudden I am co- room mother for Lee’s class. 

I enjoy doing the things that being a room mother entails.  I enjoy organizing parties, baking cupcakes and doing crafts with the kids.  Oh yeah, I love holidays.  LOVE them.  I just don’t have the time. 

I always wanted to be my childs room mother.  I wanted to be the mother every child in the classroom loved.  I wanted to be there for all the kids class parties.  Go on all their field trips.  The reality is, I don’t have time.  With three kids in school, I just can’t do everything.

You have dreams of the mother you are going to be.  None of my childhood dreams involved being a single mother.  So I don’t have time to be the room mother but I’m going to pretend I can be the mother I always wanted to be and try.  I’ll let you know how it goes.

 

Waiting for the bus

This morning while we were waiting for the bus Grace asked me to grab the camera.

Aren’t they just beautiful?

This is Lee, getting personal with the camera.

Here is Grace.  This smirk is one of her patented expressions.

Finally we can hear the bus and they grab their backpacks.  Don’t you just love moments like these?

 

Mommy and Daddy

One of the hardest parts of being a single mother is when I have to “fill in the Daddy spot.”  Recently I discovered my son has billed about $80 to our cellphone pulling pictures off the web onto his phone.  He is only 11!

Now I could get completely off topic and say the first time he tried this was when he was with his friend A.  Last time these two got together A’s dad basically accused my son of being a bad influence.  Well how come my never knew how to download this stuff until he spends time with A?  This is no excuse, he still engaged in the behavior but this kid is a catalyst. 

Chandler quit this behavior all on his own 2 days later but the $80 had already been spent.  And was discovered by me on Saturday when the bill arrived.  It is a really good thing he was with his dad this weekend because it gave me a chance to calm down and plan out what I would say.

So last night after the kids got home and the girls were in bed I sat down with Chandler.  We talked about why he did it.  We talked about what the consequences would be.  We discussed the money it will cost.  And do you know what?  There was no crying.  There was no “that’s no fair.”  There was no “I hate my life, I want to go live with Daddy.”  None of the awful yelling I was expecting.  Chandler was truly remorseful of his behavior.

And when I got back downstairs I breathed a sigh of relief.  I had been dreading the conversation.  In my opinion this is the kind of conversation a boy should have with his father.  Unfortunately the last time I tried talking to his dad about it I basically got blown off and accused of blowing things out of proportion.  So I decided it was up to me to have the conversation myself.  I’m glad I did, it went better than I could have hoped.

Maybe I’m getting the hang of this mommy and daddy thing.

 

Seven years later

The anniversary of Septmeber 11th had me remembering where I was on that day and reflecting on the changes in my life since then.  I have moved.  I have four kids.  I’m divorced.  Those are the big changes you can see from the outside.

What you can’t see on first glance is how much happier I am.  On my refrigerator I have a picture of myself that a friend took.  When she sent it to me the first thing I noticed was my smile.  You know the kind of smile that goes all the way to your eyes, a genuine “I’m happy” smile.  I hadn’t seen one of those on me in so long.  In high school I was known for my smile, it was good to see it again.

Going through a separation and divorce is devastating.  Emotionally, physically, financially.  Mr. Wrong and I used to talk about when we retired we would buy an RV and drive around the country  or following the Red Sox or Nascar.  We  will never dance together at our children’s weddings, hopefully we will be there together but it won’t be the same.   There are dreams for the future that are lost.  Because as unhealthy as our marriage was we still had those things together. 

We were separated for two and a half years before the divorce was final.  During the separation we tried counseling three different times.  When I first called a divorce attorney he told me that couples do not survive this, I wish I had listened to him then.  I didn’t and spent nearly three years attempting to salvage a crumbled marriage.  In that time the little I lost the little self respect I had left,  I lost myself.  And the judge signing the papers making the divorce official didn’t give it back.  The first few months I spent numb, trying to accept the fact that it really truely was over.

This summer brought me back to life.  I started going out with friends again.  I went dancing and made new friends.  I found out where Bahama Joes is.  I sat at the softball field and cheered for old friends.  I went to the pool and became friends with people that had previously only been aquaintinces.  I went on vacation by myself.  I took the kids on vacation by myself.

At the beginning of the summer I went to the lake by myself for the 4th of July holiday.  I went to the family meeting and remembered why I loved the lake and all the memories I had made there.  And I renewed my belief that I will be part of the family who carries this special place to the future generations.  I sat on the Palace Rocks the morning I was to leave and cried.  I cried for all I had lost and my uncertainty about the future. 

At the end of July my baby brother got married renewing my belief that true loves exists.  I got a sister, who I can call a friend.  I enjoyed the preparation, buying my bridesmaid dress, throwing a bachlorette party, endless fittings for the flower girl dresses.  And when the big day arrived it was beautiful.  I had a great time with my family.  I enjoyed seeing old friends.  I danced with my girls.  And not once did I lament not having a man by my side.

Then came my two week visit to the lake with the kids.  If you read my blog you know that I came alive again.  I quit surviving and started living.  I had fun with the kids, I had fun with my cousins, I had fun with the firemen.  And this time when I lay on the dock the night before I left I was completely at peace.  My soul had been restored.

I cannot pinpoint exactly when my closure came, all I know is that by the end of the summer my life was changed.  I have regained my positive outlook on life, my smile is back.  Yes, in the last seven years my life has changed drastically.  Life is good.

 

Seven years ago

Do you remember what you were doing 7 years ago today?  I got up and went to work like any other day.  I was still married and ex was a stay at home dad to our two children.  Our son was in preschool three days a week but not on Tuesdays.

I had been at work for about an hour when we first heard that a plane had crashed into the north tower of the Trade Center.  One of the girls on my floor was on the phone with her brother and all of the sudden you could heard him yelling “Holy shit!  There’s another one!  It hit the other tower!”  All of the sudden everybody was talking at once.  People were still coming into work and were just learning what had happened.  We quit working and everyone started talking, noise and buzz all around me.

I remember sitting at my desk and thinking my world had just changed drastically.  Finally my manager came over to me and asked, “Are you okay?”  You see I am a talker and for me to be sitting quietly is complete out of my nature.  An hour later I left for home, the roads were empty.  When I got home ex had to leave for his National Guard Armory.  So it was me, Chandler and Grace.  Like every other American I was glued to the television.

This summer while I was at the lake late one night I was sitting with two of New York City’s Bravest and asked them about it.  Neither of them were firefighters on September 11th, the four younger guys all got on shortly after.  They had all been on a list waiting for their chance to get on.  The harsh reality is the list moved quickly and the four younger guys started training several months later.

Having spent three days with a dozen New York City’s Bravest I have a new found respect for them.  They have a heart warming camaraderie.  They argue withpassion and defend each other with just as much passion.  Everything I have always imagined them to be, they were.  Strong, hard working, hard playing, good looking, they were.  And when I imagine the firefighters that rushed into the twin towers that day I am certain they were guys just like mine. 

I wonder what they will do today.  On the anniversary of the day my world changed and their future took a new course.

 

Who Ya Gonna Call?

Sorry I just came across this and was so excited I had to share.  This is one of my favorite movies from my childhood.  The idea there will be a Ghostbusters 3!  Alright so they have only now hired writers and it will be several years before we actually see the movie.  I’m still excited.

On the subject of movies I’m looking for someone to go see Nights in Rodanthe with me.  It opens September 26!