The Rumor Mill

A couple weeks ago I heard an obviously untrue rumor about my friend Davis, last weekend I heard the same thing repeated by two completely different sources.  Never to be one to believe the gossip I called Davis and we had a laugh about it.  It isn’t true.  Ahh the local rumor mill.  You cannot make this stuff up… well actually I guess someone can…

This time it is about me.  Remember I said I was going out with Home Run Hitter last weekend?  I was actually going out with a group of friends, HRH included.  We had a great time.  Dinner, local club, a party, back to our friends house.  Here’s the thing we were out in public, saw people we knew, talked to people we knew.  I even made a new friend, he is actually the grandson of one of my father’s bigger supporters.  Turns out he and HRH went to elementary school together for like one year. 

Wait, I’ve gotten off track.  Back to the rumor.  So people are beginning to ask me if HRH and I are dating.  Well thats not actually true I had one friend call and say “tell me you are not dating that loser [HRH]!  I can come kick your ass if you need it.”  Oh and even Mr. Wrong has heard about it.  When I inisted we are just friends he says, “I don’t think friends would be doing the things you two were.”  From another source I have heard we were “all over each other” on the dance floor.  I’m sorry, much as I love to dance, I did not dance with HRH.  Never even made it to the dance floor.

When HRH called tonight he said “I don’t remember dancing”.  He laughed, said “Fuck ‘em.”  I wish I could have that kind of attitude, I just don’t.  You would think I would have learned by now, I just haven’t.   But there isn’t anything I can do about it, trying to tell people it isn’t true just pours fuel on the fire.  So I guess I’ll just have to wait until next week and they are talking about someone else.

 

Rain and Nascar

Rain and Nascar do not go together.  Tropical Storm Hanna is upon us and the race has been postponed until Sunday.  This has wrecked havoc on my tailgating plans.  This is the last race in Richmond my Tony will be driving for Joe Gibbs, number 20 and Home Depot.  Tony has been my driver for what?  7 years.  Ever since Dale was killed and Rusty Wallace got old.  He won the cup championship the second year I was a fan but I promise I’m not a fair weather fan.

Why am I a fan of the famous cry baby, king of drama?  Well that’s it exactly, he is known for his drama and more than once I have been told I have a flair for the dramatic.  Oh and at 37, I think he is absolutely adorable – yes, I even like the long hair. 

In our town Nascar is big.  Just about everyone has a driver.  And no one who is a real Nascar fan is a Jeff Gordon fan.  Forget trying to plan something on race weekend, no one will show up.  Because whether you have tickets or not you need to be at the racetrack.  Tailgating.  It’s the best part of racing.  I have friends who have been there since Wednesday.  I have friends waiting out these tropical storm rains in the protection of an RV.  And as soon as the rain ends the tailgating will spring back to life.

And I want to be there.  Only the friend I was riding with decided to skip it on Sunday.  Well I will not be skipping it.  I’m going.  I just have to make a few more calls.  Because have you ever tried driving around the racetrack the day of the race?

 

Back to the Routine

The kids went back to school on Tuesday.  Grace and Lee love their new teachers.  Chandler says he likes his teachers, he now changes teachers for every class.  Caroline is going to a new sitter this year.  She now goes to her boyfriend’s house 3 days a week. 

And I started back to work on my regular schedule.  Did I tell you that I don’t work regular hours during the summer?  Anyway I did not work regular hours during the summer, basically with four kids it isn’t worth it.  Somehow even though I wasn’t working my days still filled up. 

This summer was good for me.  My two weeks at the lake were so good for me.  I learned a lot about myself, I grew a lot.  And I had a great time.

But now it’s time to get back into the routine.  To live out those lessons I learned this summer.  To carry out the promises I made to myself.  I got to work on time yesterday and today – that is an accomplishment for me.  Now if I could just get up on time, maybe I should go to bed…

 

One Last Game

Today Caroline and I went to a Richmond Braves game.  It was my last Richmond Braves game ever.  Tomorrow is the final game the Richmond Braves will be the Richmond Braves.  After this season my beloved team is moving to some town in Georgia.

I can remember my first Braves game.  I went with my family, all six of us, when I was in middle school.  We sat in the silver general admission seats.  I wore my hair in two french braids and wore jeans.  Is it weird that’s what I remember?  In high school I went often.  Once I took my baby brother and his friend just so I had an excuse to go.  When Mr. Wrong and I were together we used to go to several games a season. 

I love baseball.  I love the game.  I love watching the game.  I love the atmosphere at baseball games.  I love the seventh inning stretch. 

Richmond also used to be home to the Yankees farm team but that was years ago.  My friend’s dad is a Yankees fan because his dad used to take him to those games as a kid.  This, in my opinion, is the only justifiable reason for being a Yankees fan as a southerner.

One might think that growing up a Richmond Braves fan I might be an Atlanta Braves fan.  No.  I acquired my love of the Red Sox early, given to me by my great uncle who would listen to the games on the Palace Rocks on a transistor radio.  Besides the big Braves were owned by Ted Turner, a man I do not like and that soured me on them for good.

But our little AAA team.  I love them.  I love the memories I made at the Diamond.  I love the game of baseball that was played there.  Tomorrow will be the end of an era.  But today they won the game 2-1.  So long Braves, thanks for the memories, I will cherish them.

 

Play It Safe

Those of you who know me know that I am a play it safe kind of girl.  What being at the lake taught me was to relax and enjoy the moment.  Those days at the lake were amazing.

Now it’s back to real life.  I am working on those changes I promised myself.  I am.  And I’m having fun, enjoying life.  I have a rather full weekend planned, birthday party, dancing, VA Tech football, dinner w/ friends, more dancing – with Home Run Hitter (didn’t see that one coming did you?  me either), Richmond Braves baseball, Labor Day parade, pool party.  Oh and I really should finish unpacking!!

But I miss the lake.  And now I’m thinking about doing something crazy.  Completely out of character for me.  Even the idea of it is exciting and scary at the same time.  This would definately not be playing it safe.  (Don’t worry it wouldn’t cause me any physical harm.)

I’m not sure I have the nerve.  I want to have the nerve, I do.  Time will tell….  I’ll keep you posted…. Maybe….

 

Take Me Home, Country Roads

I began my trip to the lake feeling lost.  No sense of purpose, very little sense of self, no sense of direction.  I spent the first week reflecting on my life, my problems, where I was going.  And what I learned was to stop and enjoy what was around me.  What I finally let sink in was to get outside of worrying about the future and enjoy the moment. 

I enjoyed watching the kids climb on canons at Fort Ticonderoga.  After roasting s’mores over a campfire I watched my cousin float a mini flaming funeral pile out onto Lake Champlain, then sat for an hour and watched as it floated before finally burning out.  I took the kids to the local fair and watched a demolitician derby amongst some of the most redneck people I have ever met.

Then eight New York City firefighters arrived at the Big House.  And I spent three nights drinking, laughing, flirting, dancing, just having fun.  It was like I was discovering how to live life again.

I was an amazing 10 days.  I realised I had been spending so much time worrying about the future I was forgetting to enjoy the moment.  I took the time to stop, look around, experience the moment instead of worrying about what came next.

I have spent so much time worrying about tomorrow or next week I had lost the big picture.  I had spent so much time just surviving — and granted when you go through the pain of a divorce this stage of your life is necessary.  But it really is time to get to the next stage.  It’s time to quit worrying about surviving and start planning my future.

My last night at the lake I sat in the Parlor of the Big House watching the fire and enjoying the company of my family.  When the night wound down I still wasn’t ready for bed so I walked down to the dock and lay there looking at the sky.  I was completely at peace with the world.  That’s what my 10 days at the lake did for me.

 

The Fireman

He is one of New York City’s Bravest.  (Thanks Mel.)  And he changed my life.

Tuesday night after the kids went to bed I went back up to the Big House to join the firemen for another night of enjoying life.  My cousin had arrived with his girlfriend and his parents were there too.  We had a great time with The Fireman controlling the iPod.  My cousin had him play Hello Again by Neil Diamond and cousin, fireman and one other guy stood arms around each other singing this song at the top of their lungs.  Then Fireman declared Take Me Home, Country Roads by John Denver to be the official song of the week.  The chorus to be sung this way…

Country roads, take me home, to the place I belong

Westport, New York, Adirondacks, take me home, country roads

It was perfect.  We sang it just that way several times during the night.  And I found myself locking eyes with Fireman often as the night progressed.  We just held each others eyes.  The attraction in his eyes was unmistakable.  Eventually the older guys went to bed and it was back to me and three of the young guys.  Two guys were arguing and paying no attention to me or Fireman and he asks I I’d like to go for a walk.  I did, so we do.  Along the way he makes it clear that he finds me very attractive and I do not play coy.  He is an Italian boy from Long Island, with dark hair and dark skin and blue eyes, together they make one heck of a package.

The night was amazing, our walk was amazing. 

It was not the beginning of anything, he is a New York City Fireman and I am southern country belle through and through.  He is a Yankee fan, I am a Red Sox fan.  It will never be anything more than those few days together.  The time I spent talking to, dancing with, laughing at and walking beside New York’s Bravest.  But what those few days have done for me are life changing.

Now perhaps you think I am giving too much credit to a guy I will never see again.  It’s not really about him, it’s about the me I was with him.  With no expectations for a future together I felt free to dance with abandon, flirt shamelessly and just let go of my inhabitions.  Ten years in an unhealthy marriage left my self esteem in taters, three days with New York’s Bravest turned that around.

 

New York Citys Finest

Does this usually refer to the policemen?  Sorry, what do they call the firefighters?  Because there are eight of the finest guys I have ever seen staying in one of the homes on the property.  And four of them are over 50.  I’m quite sure one of the older ones was flirting with me last night. 

There is a saying hanging on the wall in the Eagle’s Nest.  “He who hoots with the owls at night cannot soar with the eagles at dawn.”  My grandfather was a fisherman, so that was meaningful to him.  Each morning he would rise early, take his boat out and enjoying the early morning quiet.

It is now early morning.  I slipped out of the house while the kids were still sleeping.  Turns out I can drink with the firefighters at night and still rise early.  It was fun last night just to sit and listen to the guys talk.  They have an ease around each other, they know the other’s quirks, read the other’s signals.  I got ragged on for being a Red Sox fan.  And after awhile I hardly noticed the thick New York City accents.  There was a pretty bad storm and we sat on the porch watching the lightening flash over the lake.

They played music and we danced in the parlor of the Big House.  We danced and drank and laughed.  You should have heard the music, Frank Sinatra, John Denver, Neil Diamond and more popular stuff too.  There was one song about getting in a New York Mood – if this sounds familiar to anyone please let me know I would love to find the song.  We danced and drank and laughed some more.

Finally as the night wound down we sat again on the porch.  Looking out at the lake I couldn’t have asked for a better night or reminder just how fun life can be.

 

The Palace Rocks

Getting away has been so good for me.  The perspective you gain when you are locked away from the world is priceless.  I bought a newspaper yesterday and it was the first news I had seen in a week.  I haven’t seen a television since I left home, I have even resisted reading Drudge when I log on.  Although I have been checking e-mail and voicemail, so I haven’t completely unplugged.

Believe it or not this week has presented several opportunities to flirt.  I took advantage and may I just say I was back on my pre-marriage game.  The great thing about flirting with guys up here?  In a week I’ll be gone, so the furthest I think about is whether or not I will see them at the County Fair today.  Man, it is fun being single.

One of the hardest things about going from married to single is the change of your frame of mind.  Lately everytime I start talking to a guy I start thinking about forever.  Recently I went out with a guy and promptly told my friends “we have no future, no need to go out again.”  Their response?  “Did you have fun?  Just keep having fun.  Don’t keep looking so far ahead.”  It’s hard.

I had a good talk with my cousin Hockey yesterday.  He said basically the same thing.  So what if I’m 31, enjoy the single life and all that it offers.  (At least every other weekend!)  I think it’s time to start listening.  I need to quit looking at every guy and judging their future potential and just enjoy the moment.

 

The Full Moon

Last night before I went to bed I looked out of my window to a full moon, it was beautiful, reflecting on the water.  Recently a friend reminded me to quit worrying all the time and look up.  What we saw in the August sky then was beautiful.  What I see tonight is majestic. 

I would take a picture but it could never come close to capturing the beauty I see.  In front of me the moon is reflecting on the lake.  The reflection stretches all the way to the water that is lapping at my toes.  Off to the left I can make out the shoreline stretching all the way to Rose Point.  There is a small light at the top of a mast letting me know there is a sailboat anchored in our Bay.  Across the lake, the Green Mountains rise over the shore of Vermont.  Off to my right the shore is shrouded in darkness until Whale Nose drops into the lake.  I can hear the creek flooded with rain water rushing down to Lake Champlain.

As a single mom with four kids, time to stop and notice my surroundings is often hard to find.  Tonight is the exception.  The kids are in bed.  And I can sit on the rocks.  Looking up.  Marveling in the beauty before me.  Reminding me how small my troubles really are in the grand scheme of things.  And that I can really use right now.

I feel like I have been screwing up a lot lately in my newfound single mom journey.  Sometimes I get so frustrated with the little things I forget about the big things.  The truth is I have four great kids and everything we need.  So what if the house isn’t perfect, my van is old and there are times during the night I reach for someone who isn’t there.  The moon is full, the water is cool and life is good.